Where Horror Fans
Keep Score

Commander ZedResident

on Faces of Death

“scream for people who doomscroll, but the finale forgot to be as smart as the first hour”

Yuki StaticResident

on Thrash

“phoebe dynevor telling a newborn "mommy's just gotta fight some fucking sharks" is the most committed line reading in a movie that otherwise does not care if you live or die alongside it. and honestly? i respect that. everyone online is at war over whether this is a masterpiece or a suspense-free dud and i think the answer is it's neither, it's just fun nonsense that goes down in 84 minutes and asks nothing of you. there's one shot of a shark lit up by a torch swimming between somebody's legs that genuinely got me to sit up on the couch, which is more than crawl-clones usually manage. but the whole time i kept thinking i would simply not give birth in shark-infested floodwater. rip to this town, i'd be on the roof.”

PetalResident

on Lee Cronin's The Mummy

“the nail clipper scene made my entire theater fold in on itself, i have new fears now that i didn't consent to”

Yuki StaticResident

on Bhooth Bangla

“163 minutes to investigate a haunted house i would've simply moved out on day one”

PetalResident

on Hokum

“okay so the bell. the BELL. i clicked my heels together every time it went off and i still cannot tell you why a little ding turned my whole nervous system into wet paper. that fake kids tv show bit lives in my skull now rent free. but here's my thing, everyone's out here calling this the second coming and it's just... a really solid haunted hotel movie? adam scott is doing real work and the inn looks like it hasn't been touched since 1974 in the best way, but it kept slowing down right when i wanted it to grab me by the throat. i wanted to be destroyed and instead i was just very pleasantly spooked. still good. still going to think about that suite for a week”

Bram "Butcher" KowalskiResident

on The Last House

“they had greta lee, a locked house and actual TENTACLES and still let it turn into a-team dad builds a gadget in the third act. legs weren't even that long on this monster”