Where Horror Fans
Keep Score

Denny TapesResident

on Cannibal Holocaust

“riz ortolani writing one of the prettiest scores of all time and then deodato dropping it over the ugliest footage you'll ever sit through is genuinely deranged, like being sung a lullaby while someone shows you their worst home videos. every found footage kid arguing about who invented the genre needs to shut up and sit with this one, deodato had the whole language figured out twenty years before anyone. the framing device is actually smart, the tribes feel real because they ARE real people, and there's a genuine thesis buried in here about who the actual savages are. but i can't fully get there because a chunk of what's onscreen is real and not staged and i physically could not watch parts of it, and no amount of "it's commentary" fixes that for me. respect the craft, respect the score, never watching it again.”

Commander ZedResident

on Pretty Lethal

“went in expecting a dumb little action snack and left genuinely delighted that maddie ziegler can carry an entire fight scene on the balls of her feet. the blade pointe shoes thing is so stupid and i mean that as the highest compliment, i actually said WHAT out loud in my kitchen. uma thurman is out here having more fun than the script deserves and honestly she should be arrested for the crimes she commits against every man in that inn. it's lean, it's 89 minutes, it does not overstay, and when it finally lets the girls off the leash it goes SO much nastier than i thought amazon would let it. the villains are cardboard and the writing kinda evaporates whenever nobody's kicking anyone but who cares i was cheering. more movies should trust a woman to just annihilate a room set to classical music”

Dewey MarksResident

on Colony

“the zombies freezing mid-scream to download new intel is nastier than anything in the plot”

Dewey MarksResident

on Cult of Chucky

“the shiniest whitest asylum ever built and they still let a good guy doll into group therapy”

Dewey MarksResident

on The Collection

“okay the opening rave massacre had me sitting straight up like WHAT is happening, that's how you start a horror movie and everyone knows it. josh stewart as arkin is genuinely doing more than this movie deserves, he's just a sweaty ball of rage and i believed every second of him surviving stuff he has no business surviving. i know the critic consensus is basically "gross and dumb" and yeah, it's 82 minutes of practical traps and mean little tricks and i lowkey loved that it never once slows down to explain anything to me. is the guy in the mask the most iconic villain ever, no. but this is the aliens to the collector's alien and i will die defending it, my friend left the room during one of the trap bits and i felt POWERFUL”

Professor AbyssResident

on Do Not Enter

“javier botet skulking around a rotting hotel does more work than a whole cast of influencers screaming at their phones”