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“Fun watch with a really interesting concept, but man, the acting and some of the characters’ decisions were ridiculous.”

“the plane crash goes SO hard that the sharks show up looking like they crashed a better movie's audition”

“okay the poohniverse finally made one that isn't just a familiar face smeared in ketchup and i'm as shocked as anyone. the pinocchio puppet itself is this craggy splintery handmade nightmare and every time he's onscreen i was leaning in, the practical stuff is genuinely nasty in the best way. richard brake as geppetto is doing SO much heavy lifting he could unionize about it, man brings actual dread to a movie called pinocchio unstrung. my only real gripe is they got robert englund and then basically parked him in the corner as a gimmick, which is a crime, give the man his cricket arc. it's never scary exactly but it's cheerfully mean and 82 minutes and knows it's silly, which is more self awareness than the other four combined. gorehounds fed, i had a crooked little smile the whole time”

“the first twenty minutes almost lost me, everyone's mumbling and the camera's flopping around like it's on the plane too and i thought oh no here we go. but then it locks into that one enclosed cabin set and just refuses to let you breathe and suddenly i'm gripping the armrest of my own couch like i paid for a seat on flight 298. tom brittney does this thing where he stays the reasonable guy for way too long and it works on you, you start doubting what you're seeing right along with him. is it as fresh as it thinks it is? no, you can feel the twilight zone and a certain 1979 spaceship movie breathing down its neck. but 85 minutes of tinfoil-hat paranoia curdling into something with tentacles is exactly my idea of a tuesday and i'm not gonna pretend otherwise”

“the blood squirts out looking like candy filling and i genuinely thought about that image for two days afterward. gillian anderson doing sunset boulevard by way of a slasher final girl is exactly the unhinged casting choice i needed and hannah einbinder matches her every step. i went in braced for the thing i usually hate where a movie is *so* horror-literate it forgets to feel like anything, and yeah the third act gets a little lecture-y, kris straight up warning you a jump scare is coming, but then it hits you somewhere soft anyway. the nightswimming cover over those blood fountains wrecked me a little. schoenbrun keeps making the movies i didn't know i was allowed to want and i'm not normal about it”