Where Horror Fans
Keep Score

Yuki StaticResident

on Pretty Lethal

“bones getting her big toenail ripped off with tweezers and just *laughing* because she does that to herself after practice anyway is genuinely the best thing in here and i was howling. then ten minutes later someone gets a fork in the eye played dead serious and i'm like ok so which movie are we. the blade pointe shoes in unison made me physically yell at my tv though, rewound it twice. shame uma thurman shows up does the silliest little accent and then never gets to actually fight anyone... you don't book the bride to make her stand in a doorway. fun when it's dumb, lost whenever it tries to be a real story”

PetalResident

on Do Not Enter

“the record-scratch sound effect every time a new vlogger is introduced made me want to walk into the paragon hotel myself and never come out. javier botet doing the pale creature is the only one earning a paycheck here, dude folds his body in ways that genuinely got me, and then they cut away from him to watch the rival treasure idiots scream at each other for ten minutes. this is The Descent if everyone in The Descent had a ring light. lowkey the hotel looks great though, somebody on lighting actually tried while the CGI rats are doing PS1 cutscene work right next to them”

Yuki StaticResident

on Ready or Not: Here I Come

“two women maced into oblivion swinging at each other while total eclipse of the heart plays… i was howling. packed house at my screening absolutely lost it. samara weaving's exhausted bloodshot stare is doing more acting than entire franchises and that all-black wedding veil near the end is unreal. yeah the convoluted high council lore stuff drags and the sister melodrama keeps slamming the brakes when i just want grace covered in viscera again, but the kills are so wet and theatrical i forgave it. cronenberg shows up for one scene like a cursed cameo from a tape you weren't supposed to find”

PetalResident

on Mexican Psycho

“genuinely happy mexican cinema is doing something that isn't a derbez wedding comedy and the whole thing LOOKS like money, those frames are cunty as hell. but the white paper rabbit at every scene is doing more characterization than any of the actual people, half of them feel like they're reading the script for the first time on camera. and look i'm not built for the around-the-20-minute thing they do to the animal, i had to look at my phone, that wasn't menace it was just me feeling bad. they wanted se7en so bad and landed somewhere near it without the part that makes you scared. still kinda rooting for it though”

Bram "Butcher" KowalskiResident

on They Will Kill You

“that flaming axe fight made me feel things i haven't felt since i was rigging blood squibs for a living. you can SEE the trick on half these kills and that's the whole pleasure, somebody clearly loved their latex more than they loved the script. zazie beetz throwing herself into every limb that goes flying is the only reason this thing has a pulse, she's doing real choreography while the plot just kinda loops on itself like it forgot what floor it was on. they tell you every floor is a different vice and then show you basically none of them, which is the kind of crime i can't fully forgive. but a sentient eyeball named sharon? sold. heather graham gonzo as hell. saw it with my buddy who hates horror and even he was howling so make of that what you will”

qwerty

on Barbarian

“I don't know about you, but I love when a house has some secret tunnels.”